break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
