When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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