We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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