I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
