his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
