Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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