There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
