totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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