I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
