apparently the secret to your success is patron
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
