I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.