Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday