I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.