Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.