its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.