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matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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