I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.