sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
