She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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