He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize