The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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