The maid of honor just puked.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
