I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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