We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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