I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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