so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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