If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
