You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
