I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
