So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
