guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
