1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize