Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
