Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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