dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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