Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize