So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Found your dick twin last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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