I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
