i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
