i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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