I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
