you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
