U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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