I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All the doctor said was why
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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