after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
