using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
