What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
