Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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