marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
