I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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