Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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