He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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