um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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