You're my little dorito
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
