Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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