I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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