okay pat passed out under dana's car
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there was a trapeze. enough said
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
