he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?