walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?