I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.