Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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