We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
