Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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