is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
