oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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