Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't turn off my feet"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
