We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
