halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
