One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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