Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
