Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My ass is underappreciated
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize