I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
