I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
