Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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