Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So. Much. Porn.
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